SOAR (The Indigo Lounge Series Book 4) Read online

  SOAR

  THE INDIGO LOUNGE SERIES #4

  BY

  ZARA COX

  TABLE OF CONTENT

  ONE

  TWO

  THREE

  FOUR

  FIVE

  SIX

  SEVEN

  EIGHT

  NINE

  TEN

  ELEVEN

  TWELVE

  THIRTEEN

  FOURTEEN

  FIFTEEN

  SIXTEEN

  SEVENTEEN

  EIGHTEEN

  NINETEEN

  TWENTY

  TWENTY-ONE

  TWENTY-TWO

  TWENTY-THREE

  TWENTY-FOUR

  TWENTY-FIVE

  TWENTY-SIX

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  TWENTY-NINE

  THIRTY

  THIRTY-ONE

  EPILOGUE

  DEAR READER

  COMING SOON

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  COPYRIGHT

  ABOUT AUTHOR

  ONE

  No. No, no, no.

  “Fuck no.”

  Time suspended, then kicked into slow motion. Noah waited for the denial. Waited for the nightmare that flashed across his vision to subside. A muffled whimper came from beside him.

  Leia Michaels. The most important thing in his life right now stood next to him. The one person he had woken up this morning thanking his lucky stars for. The one he should be looking at. Taking care of. Hanging onto so she wasn’t dragged into this bedlam.

  But he couldn’t look at her. Couldn’t force his gaze from Ashley Maitland, the woman sitting cross-legged on his living room sofa. The woman whose lips parted, ready to utter words he knew would change his life forever.

  “Oh yes. One hundred percent, yes. You are going to be a father, Noah.”

  “Dear God. Ashley what…why?”

  “Why? Because you’re supposed to be my husband and the father of my children,” she said with the same unapologetic assurance that stated the world owed her a living. A trait he’d once thought sexy.

  Bitterness coating his mouth, he sliced a hand through his hair, resisting the urge to pull the damn strands out. The grenade she’d detonated in his life had done more than enough to unbalance him. The last thing he intended to do was grant her the satisfaction of knowing she’d turned his life inside out.

  “We’re no longer together, Ashley.” He sucked in a deep breath, struggling for a civil tone in the face of her ridiculous assertion. “I’m no expert on pregnancy—that is if you really are pregnant—but I think baby brain is supposed to kick in after you have the baby. Unless you’re claiming amnesia on top of everything else that you’re making up right now?”

  Her features tightened for a second before settling back into the serene look she liked to present to the world. Noah hadn’t noticed how creepy that transformation was before now.

  “Why would I make up something that you can check in two minutes? I may be many things, but I’m not stupid. This is happening. I get that you need to take a moment, but Noah…it’s happening.”

  Her gaze slid to Leia and back to him. The clear smugness in her eyes made him swallow hard.

  Jesus. If she was telling the truth…

  He was going to be a father. With the one woman he detested more than any other in the world.

  His vision clouded for several seconds. He concentrated on getting air into his lungs and his brain. He needed to, so he could wrap his head around the insanity of the situation.

  But even though the facts were clear, he couldn’t believe the enormity of the transgression.

  He forced his hands into his pockets, to resist striding across the strangling her with them. “So let me get this straight. You used my sperm without my permission and got yourself knocked up so what…we could play happy families?”

  Her smile widened, one slender shoulder lifting in a careless shrug. Despite her outwardly relaxed impression, Noah caught a dart of apprehension in her eyes. “You should never have left me. What happened two years ago was just to bring you to your senses. Even after you left, I thought you’d come back. We weren’t supposed to be apart for this long. You’ve dragged things out too far. It’s time for us to be together again.”

  The choked sound came from beside him again. Head spinning, he glanced at Leia. Her face was ashen, her beautiful eyes a dark, haunted grey that stared back at him in bleak resignation.

  No.

  He moved toward her.

  She took a step back.

  His heart clenched. “Don’t do that. Don’t retreat from me,” he pleaded. With everything going to shit around him, he couldn’t take a world without Leia. He took her hand and, thankfully, her fingers closed around his.

  From the corner of his eye, he saw movement. Warren Snyder - Leia’s ex-guardian and the other unwanted equation in this whole despicable debacle - rose to his feet. Again, the slimy bastard’s eyes slid to Leia in a way that made Noah want to cause him serious and permanent damage.

  A tiny frozen part of him was quite impressed at how his two nemeses had orchestrated this meeting. Hell, he couldn’t have planned it better.

  That didn’t alter the fact that they were seriously messing with the one thing in the world most precious to him.

  Leia.

  He turned to her as she pulled her hand away. She folded her arms across her midriff the way he’d come to recognize as a self-preservation tactic. This time he didn’t stop with one step. He took her arms, pulling her close, crowding her. When she refused to look at him, he captured her nape and forced her to face him.

  “Don’t you dare leave me here in the fucking Twilight Zone all by myself.” It was a fucked up time to be making jokes. But the very blatant reality that she was pulling away from him threatened to send him down a tunnel he didn’t want to contemplate.

  “Leia—”

  Noah twisted round, unable to stop the snarl surging from his throat. “Do not say her name. You have two options, Snyder, you either sit down and shut the fuck up or you leave right now. You know where the hell the door is. You don’t control her any more. Got that?”

  Warren Snyder’s demeanor remained the same. Cold, non-reactive dead eyes, which sent an uneasy sensation down Noah’s spine. But to his credit, Snyder sat back down, crossed his legs and steepled his fingers together.

  Noah turned back to Leia. Her eyes met his. He breathed a sigh of relief to see that the haunted look had dissipated somewhat.

  “I need to go,” she said.

  Anxiety rose to mingle with the shitload of emotions coursing through him. She was reeling, he got that. But the irrational part of him, which suggested she was giving in to what Snyder wanted, rose and slapped him in the face. “No you don’t.” His response was rough with anger. “We had plans.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “Are you serious?”

  His grip tightened on her arm in acknowledgement of her disbelief. “Jesus, I don’t know what the hell I am, but I know I don’t want you to leave. Not now.” Not ever.

  She shook her head and closed her eyes. The look that washed over her face cut right through him. “Noah, I can’t stay. You know that, right?”

  “Says who?”

  “She’s right, Noah. What we need to discuss is just between you and—”

  “Shut the hell up, Ashley.”

  Unable to stand the look on Leia’s face, he slid his hand down her arm and dragged her to the sliding doors. Stabbing the button that parted them, he led her to the terrace. The crisp and fresh breeze from the ocean promised a bright new day.

  After the night he’d spent with Leia,
their fiery row and their even more tempestuous making up, it was a day that should’ve harkened a new and glorious beginning. It had all right. Except, he’d never have foreseen this version of it in his wildest dreams.

  He stopped beside the gleaming pool and looked down at her. She’d grown paler, and her lips trembled before she pursed them.

  “Leia, I know this was a curveball neither of us expected. Hell, I can’t even begin to think straight about any of this, but leaving isn’t going to solve anything. It’s selfish, I know, but I’m asking you to stay.”

  “Why? What good could I possibly offer here? Warren is right—”

  “You fucking agree with anything Snyder has to say about us, and I won’t be responsible for what happens next,” he said through jaws clenched so tight he expected them to snap in half.

  “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like him—”

  He snorted, cutting her off.

  “And I know I’ve been blind to certain indicators,” she continued with a small frown. “But he’s right.”

  His vision threatened to cloud again. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sucked in breath. “No, he’s not. He’s a goddamn—”

  “Noah, you’re going to be a father.” The words were hushed, dropped into the middle of his rage with soft, agonized, whispers.

  He froze, unable to look away from the anguish in her eyes.

  Reality rose in twenty-foot waves. Regardless of how he felt about Ashley, she was most likely carrying his child. She wouldn’t be so bold, so smug, if there wasn’t some truth to her assertion.

  “Do you even know how you feel about that?” Leia shook her head. “You don’t need me around. I’d only confuse issues.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I want you here. You belong with me.”

  “I can’t be here, Noah. I can’t be the support you need.” Her voice broke. She tried to move away again.

  He caught her to him, selfishly drawing on her warmth, on the memory of last night and what he’d felt in her arms. She’d tried to leave then, too, thinking she wouldn’t be enough for him.

  But she’d been the promise of everything he wanted come to life. He’d convinced her to say and she had. With every atom in his body, he wanted to be back in that place, in that time with her.

  But he was already losing her. She’d retreated into herself, to a place where he couldn’t touch her. He tried to understand. She needed to regroup the same way he did. Hell, he needed more than to regroup, he needed to get to the bottom of what was going on. Speak to his lawyers…find out how the hell this had ever happened. But first he had to deal with Ashley.

  Mingled anger and disbelief scythed through him at the thought of what she’d done. But with it came the realization of what was happening.

  He’d never given much thought to children in the immediate future. Before last week, work and sex had been his life.

  Leia had quickly taken precedence over those priorities.

  Now this…

  “Fine.” He kissed her because he couldn’t help himself. Because he needed her in ways he still hadn’t been able to fathom. Ways he couldn’t communicate with anything but his touch, his kiss.

  He kissed her because he was at a loss as to how to stop her from retreating. Because he could still feel her pulling away. He deepened the kiss. Her lips puckered beneath his, opened up and let him in. With a groan of relief, he tasted her long and hard. The crazy receded until there was only the two of them, wrapped in their own world, their chemistry a clawing hunger that demanded to be satisfied.

  She grabbed his nape, scraped her long fingernails along his scalp, threading that fine line between pleasure and pain that was their own unique aphrodisiac, their own nirvana. He slammed her back against the solid outside wall, heard her moan of pleasure at the rough treatment. He wedged a thigh between hers and slid one hand to grip her throat. Then they fell deeper into the kiss, their need for each other escalating to the point where he lost touch with reality.

  It took several seconds to realize she was pushing him away, not forcefully but with enough strength to remind him where they were, what shitty chaos they were treading neck-deep in.

  He sighed, released her and dropped his forehead against hers. Sliding his thumb down her cheek in a soft caress, he quickly calculated. “Give me a few hours to deal with this. I’ll reschedule our meeting with the investigator for this evening.” He hadn’t lost sight of the fact that Leia’s stepfather, Stephen Willoughby - the man who’d violently raped her when she was seventeen - was out there, released from prison early and determined to make her life a living hell once more. Protecting Leia was still his highest priority right now. “God, this is nuts. I don’t want you to leave. Stay here, baby. I’d go crazy wondering if you’re okay if you leave.”

  She started to shake her head before he’d finished. “No, I can’t stay.”

  “Dammit, I really wish you wouldn’t fight me on this, Leia.”

  She turned her head, and he caught the renewed anguish on her face. “You don’t understand. I’m not leaving now to return later. We won’t be meeting your investigator together. When I leave, I’m not coming back, Noah.”

  He leaned back, frowning. “What do you mean you’re not coming back? Leia, your stepfather is out there and he needs to be found. We will meet with the investigator tonight. There’s no way I’m calling off the search for Willoughby. Not until he’s found and back behind bars where he belongs. In case I didn’t make myself clear, your safety is non-negotiable. So yes, if you don’t want to stay here, I’ll let you have a few hours in that bastard Snyder’s care, but you’re coming back here tonight. Understood?”

  Firm hands pushed him back harder. “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”

  “I didn’t realize that what I was asking was so damn impossible.”

  She shot him an incredulous look. “Noah, there’s a woman sitting no more than twenty feet away who says she’s carrying your baby. Why don’t you focus on that instead of throwing down ultimatums at me? I’m the last thing you should be worrying about.”

  “Wrong. You’re the most important thing in my life.”

  She froze. Her grey eyes rounded, first with shock, then with a tiny glaze of hope before they dulled again. Noah wanted to shake her, wanted to demand to know what was going on in her mind. But she was already shaking her head, withdrawing even further away from him.

  When he reached for her, she slapped him away. “No. I’m leaving, Noah. And you won’t stop me. Goodbye.”

  She took three steps before he realized exactly what she meant. “Wait a sec. Just so I get this straight, are you leaving this place or are you leaving me?”

  She turned. “I can’t compete with this, Noah. I’d fight for you with anything else, but not this.”

  “This?” Thoughts crashed into one another, but one blazed through them all. She was leaving him. “What the hell do you mean by this?” he demanded fiercely.

  Her mouth wobbled for a second. “A child, Noah. I won’t compete with your child.”

  TWO

  Leia had thought her pain couldn’t get any worse. She’d really imagined, considering her own circumstances, that the single most heart-ripping news she could face was that the man she loved was about to have a child with another woman. Until she’d caught a glimpse of Noah’s reaction to the news of his impending fatherhood.

  She was dead certain he hadn’t even realized the naked emotion emblazoned on his face a split second after Ashley had told him about the baby.

  Wonder and elation.

  It had dissipated very quickly, of course. The circumstances were nothing if not fucked up.

  Now, the combination of shock and confusion had rendered his normally vibrant skin sickly grey. His brows clamped together. His hands trembled before he tightened his hold on her.

  “You’re leaving me? Is that what you’re trying to tell me? Even before I verify there’s any truth to what that bitch is say
ing, you’re leaving? And what the hell do you mean by competing?”

  “You know it’s the right thing for me to do, Noah,” she forced out through her pain.

  He stepped back, unclamping his hands from her arm. “No, I fucking don’t. All I know is that a few short hours after promising me you wouldn’t, you’re running again.”

  “Don’t say that. Please.”

  “Please? Then tell me what it is you’re doing. I’m seriously confused, Leia. Enlighten me in plain fucking English so I get that you’re not walking away from me because I’m…I’m…” His jaws clenched tight and he closed his eyes. Shoving a hand through his hair, he breathed in deep. “I may not have known you for a long time, but I know you’re not walking away because of this. So tell me, what the hell is it?”

  She opened her mouth to remind him that she was only half a woman, that what her stepfather had done to her had damaged more than her spirit, but the pain shredding her heart stopped her.

  She shook her head. “I deluded myself into thinking that we could make this work. God, I don’t know what I was thinking. My last relationship was just before I turned seventeen, Noah. And I can’t even call that a proper relationship. I was little more than a spoiled teenager with a rebellious streak, testing my boundaries. I had no idea what I was doing then. And this… this is way more than I can deal with. I’m going to fuck it up for you. You have to let me go.”

  “You want to be able to pick and choose your battles, is that it? To retreat from the world the way you’ve done for the last five years and only come out when you think it’s safe and comfortable?” he grated at her.

  A cold shiver chased down her spine. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Why am I standing here fighting for you instead of letting you chicken out and walk away? Is that what you’re seriously asking me?”

  She crossed her arms over her midriff, desperately wanting to cling to the fighting for you part. Letting Noah take control, convince her that walking away wasn’t the right thing to do, was the one thing she wanted more than breathing. She’d woken up this morning happier than she’d ever been in her life. She placed sole responsibility of that happiness at Noah’s feet.